Happy Super Bowl Sunday to all those who celebrate! 🏈 

Don’t tell anyone, but we’ve spoken to Roger Goodell and he gave us the script on who the Super Bowl MVP is gonna be:

Today’s Lineup

🇨🇳 NBA Players’ Hilarious Chinese Nicknames

The Chinese market is HUGE for the NBA. Reports say there are more basketball fans in China than there are people in America, and while Chinese fans naturally want to talk hoops, English names can sometimes translate weirdly.

So instead, Chinese fans have created more appropriate nicknames from Chinese characters describing their favorite superstars based on name, play-style, or other characteristic… you’ll see what we mean:

Kevin Garnett is called “King of the Wolves” for his dominant 14 years in Minnesota. Head of the pack indeed! 🐺 

LeBron James is “Emperor James”, as China historically has had more emperors than kings. Hilariously, though, some of Bron’s critics call him something that sounds closer to “LeBron” and translates to “The Man Who Takes Six Steps”.

Giannis Antetokounmpo is called “The Alphabet Man.” We suppose the length of his name translates into every language. 😂 

Anthony Davis is referred to as “The Bushy Browed Man.”  IDK if that rolls off the tongue as well as “The Brow”, but it's definitely more sensory…

Paul George’s nickname translates to “Pickled Peppers.” 🌶️ 🫑 How does this relate to PG13? Not at all. It’s a direct translation from the Chinese characters that sound like his name, “pào-jiao.”

Russell Westbrook gets called “Ninja Turtle.” 🐢 No comment. 

Manu Ginobli goes by “The Devil’s Blade” 🔪, which is SO tough. The nickname refers to his slashing, unpredictable style of play that kills defenses on the inside.

Dwight Howard’s nickname of “Magical Beast” 🪄 💫 originated from his dominant years playing for the Orlando Magic. We love how they incorporated the team into this one.

Steph Curry gets called “Cute God,” which must be the Chinese version of “Baby Faced Assassin” 👶…

Steven Adams is referred to as “King of the Sea” 🌊  due to his similar likeness to Jason Momoa, who played Aquaman. This may be our favorite; can we start this in English too???

Tim Duncan is “The Stone Buddha” 🗿, which we 100% agree on. A stoic winner.

Finally, Bill Russell is the “Lord of the Rings” 💍. Again, we gotta bring this one into our English discourse here. What a GOAT-ed name for one of the all-time greats!

Shoutout to Marc Jiang for his awesome video a few years back on this super interesting topic. It’s so great that our beautiful game transcends countries, continents, and languages!

🐐 Caitlin Clark’s Jersey Retirement at Iowa

Caitlin Clark returned to Iowa’s Carver-Hawkeye Arena for the first time since she was a player to see her #22 jersey lifted to the rafters! Despite the biggest name in women’s basketball no longer playing for Iowa, the stadium still sold out its 15,000+ seats. 

And for the on-court affairs, it couldn’t have ended any better for the Hawkeyes. Unranked Iowa pulled off the 76-69 upset win against #4 USC and National Player of the Year favorite Juju Watkins (27 PTS), and the Iowa students stormed the court!

After the game, Clark spoke to the fans and reminded them she’d return in May for a Fever exhibition game against the Brazilian national team (how sick is that?). She joked that they “better save up, because I bet it's going to be pretty expensive.” 💀 The cheapest ticket to enter the USC game was reportedly $711, so she’s got a point.

The New York Times recently wrote a beautiful profile article on Adrian Wojnarowski, chronicling his move from the top of the NBA news-breaking world to the general manager of the basketball team at his alma mater, St. Bonaventure’s:

In the new era of NIL, smaller schools like St. Bonnie’s are at a massive disadvantage to bring in quality players compared to their larger opponents with deeper coffers. Seeing this, Woj has donated hundreds of thousands of dollars and plans to leverage his reputation and resources for the growth and success of the program. 🙌 

A must-read for Enjoyers of Basketball like Woj himself! 📚

Signing Off

We’re gonna call it here—we have to get ready to demolish an unfathomable amount of chicken wings in the American tradition. 🇺🇸 

-Conor Geelan